The Evolution of Veronica Mars
by Rory Forrester
Summary: This isn’t an alternate universe. This isn’t a dream. This is your life. And this is all you’ve got now. [when her world comes crashing down, veronica becomes veronica mars]. COMPLETE. warning: swearing, but otherwise suitable for anyone.
1. chapter one: everything to lose

Title: The Evolution of Veronica Mars

Summary: This isn't an alternate universe. This isn't a dream. This is your life. And this is all you've got now.

Rating: T

A/N: Inspired by Switchfoot's _This Is Your Life_, which I do not own anymore than I own _Veronica Mars_. Ergo, I don't own either.

- - -

_(When the world was younger, and you had everything to lose :)_

It had all been too perfect to last.

Long hair and wide smiles. Perfect peppy high school girl fantasy life. Happy family. Best friends –inside jokes, laughing until it hurts, fizzing champagne--, boyfriend.

Lilly Kane. Logan Echolls. Veronica Mars. Duncan Kane. They were the Fab Four.

It was like an episode of the fucking O.C.

It had all been too perfect too last.

_(Yesterday is dead and over.)_

- - -

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	2. chapter two: there's so much yet to come

Title: The Evolution of Veronica Mars

Summary: This isn't an alternate universe. This isn't a dream. This is your life. And this is all you've got now.

Rating: T

A/N: Inspired by Switchfoot's _This Is Your Life_, which I do not own anymore than I own _Veronica Mars_. Ergo, I don't own either.

- - -

And suddenly you realize that Duncan is breaking up with you.

Breaking up with you in the cruelest way possible. He's avoiding you. He's not even going to say it.

Heart-broken and crying in the bathroom. You don't understand why Lilly can't tell you why he did what he did. You're mad at him, and you're mad at Lilly and you're mad at the world.

_Whywhywhywhy? Why me?_

Raw red eyes and pools of mascara-tears.

_This isn't real. This is an alternate reality, universe, whatever. This is a dream. This isn't my life._

But this isn't an alternate universe, this isn't a dream: this is your life.

_(Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes: this is your life.) _

You close your eyes.

- - -

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	3. chapter three: world comes crashing down

Title: The Evolution of Veronica Mars

Summary: This isn't an alternate universe. This isn't a dream. This is your life. And this is all you've got now.

Rating: T

A/N: Inspired by Switchfoot's _This Is Your Life_, which I do not own anymore than I own _Veronica Mars_. Ergo, I don't own either.

- - -

It hadn't felt real, not at first.

Lilly was dead. Lilly was dead. Lilly. Dead. Murdered.

You were numb and you didn't believe what you were seeing. You didn't believe your own eyes.

And your brain couldn't comprehend and you were screaming before you even realized that your mouth was open. Because your best friend was lying lifeless with her head bashed in.

Everything that followed was a blur. It's a haze of screaming and bloody Lilly and shaking Duncan and screaming. Painful, tortured screams that echo across Neptune, as if all of Neptune is mourning her death.

And then all of a sudden you're at home and your dad is whispering to your mom in hushed tones and you are sobbing. Shaking. Screaming. Crying.

_She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead._

But she is. She's as dead as can be and there's nothing you can do about it. You can do nothing except scream until your throat is raw.

_This isn't real. This is an alternate reality, universe, whatever. This is a dream. This isn't my life._

But this isn't an alternate universe, this isn't a dream: this is your life.

_(Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes: this is your life.) _

You close your eyes.

- - -

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	4. chapter four: this shouldn't happen

Title: The Evolution of Veronica Mars

Summary: This isn't an alternate universe. This isn't a dream. This is your life. And this is all you've got now.

Rating: T

A/N: Inspired by Switchfoot's _This Is Your Life_, which I do not own anymore than I own _Veronica Mars_. Ergo, I don't own either.

- - -

This sort of thing doesn't happen in your life.

Your dad lost his job.

And your parents are fighting, screaming. And all of Neptune thinks the Mars family is dirt.

And "Abel Koontz murdered Lilly Kane." "Abel Koontz murdered Lilly Kane." "Abel Koontz murdered Lilly Kane." "Abel Koontz murdered Lilly Kane.

Except for the part where he didn't. You know. And you can feel it. But you're too frozen to process it.

_This isn't real. This is an alternate reality, universe, whatever. This is a dream. This isn't my life._

But this isn't an alternate universe, this isn't a dream: this is your life.

_(Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes: this is your life.) _

You close your eyes.

- - -

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	5. chapter five: she's not coming back

Title: The Evolution of Veronica Mars

Summary: This isn't an alternate universe. This isn't a dream. This is your life. And this is all you've got now.

Rating: T

A/N: Inspired by Switchfoot's _This Is Your Life_, which I do not own anymore than I own _Veronica Mars_. Ergo, I don't own either.

- - -

A note. She left you a note. A note and a stupid fucking music box.

They both go in the trashcan.

You don't care what she has to say.

She left.

She left.

She left.

She left you. And she left your dad. She left you, both of you, just when you needed her the most.

Your mom is gone.

Hot, sour bile rising in your throat and you throw yourself on your bed. And you bite back the tears, refusing to give into their watery attack. She's not worth your tears.

And she's not coming back.

_This isn't real. This is an alternate reality, universe, whatever. This is a dream. This isn't my life._

But this isn't an alternate universe, this isn't a dream: this is your life.

_(Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes: this is your life.) _

You close your eyes.

- - -

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	6. chapter six: father son and holy ghost

Title: The Evolution of Veronica Mars

Summary: This isn't an alternate universe. This isn't a dream. This is your life. And this is all you've got now.

Rating: T

A/N: Inspired by Switchfoot's _This Is Your Life_, which I do not own anymore than I own _Veronica Mars_. Ergo, I don't own either.

- - -

They tell you to choose.

That you've got to make a choice.

Right here. Right now.

You look at their cold eyes, glittering maliciously. At Logan's eyes. All at once wounded and open and vulnerable and hateful and cruel. Duncan won't meet her eyes.

They want you to make a choice. All of them. Logan and Duncan and Shelly Pomeroy and Meg Manning and Dick Casablancas and John Enbom and Madison Sinclair and Caitlin Ford and every single other one of the 09ers.

These fucked up bloodthirsty brats are (were) your friends.

And right now, it's your blood their lusting after.

And screw all of them, but not Duncan and Logan. Your halting breath comes out in ragged gasps.

How can they make you choose? You should be sticking together, staying strong.

"It's us or your asshole of a father, Mars."

And then you snap.

Because your father is not an asshole. He is the furthest thing possible. Because he's the hero and your mother is the villain and you're the victim and too much other fucked up shit to think about right now: you choose him.

You walk away from that life forever.

You're a social pariah. Taunted. Mocked.

holy trinity:

VERONICA MARS IS A SKANK. (father).

VERONICA MARS IS A SKANKWHORE. (son).

VERONICA MARS IS A SKANKWHOREBITCH. (holy ghost).

(Bless me father for I have sinned.)

You don't believe in god anymore (you don't know if you ever did, but you believed in something. You don't believe in anything anymore).

There is no heaven.

There is no good. (where does the good go?) (it wasn't here to begin with).

There is no justice.

_This isn't real. This is an alternate reality, universe, whatever. This is a dream. This isn't my life._

But this isn't an alternate universe, this isn't a dream: this is your life.

_(Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes: this is your life.) _

You close your eyes.

- - -

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	7. chapter seven: six feet under

Title: The Evolution of Veronica Mars

Summary: This isn't an alternate universe. This isn't a dream. This is your life. And this is all you've got now.

Rating: T

A/N: Inspired by Switchfoot's _This Is Your Life_, which I do not own anymore than I own _Veronica Mars_. Ergo, I don't own either.

- - -

There's an ache still, and you almost don't believe it when your brain tells you that Lilly is dead.

And she's not lost—_she can't be found_— and she hasn't passed on or away—_she can't come back_—she's dead.

She's fucking dead.

People can say anything they want but you pray to god they don't use those euphemisms because they're filthy fucking lies.

And that Lilly in the coffin isn't your Lilly, the real Lilly. The porcelain doll in the coffin has dead eyes and a huge welt on her forehead.

You don't want to watch as they lower her in the ground (_Lilly hated the underground, going into caves and things; it gave her the creeps_.) because you don't want the last image of her to be this lifeless body, the antithesis of who she was (is), but you watch anyways because you owe this to her.

Because you're never going to see her again and you aren't going to squander these final five seconds with her.

It's over.

And now Lilly Kane is six feet under that dreaded ground and you're all alone.

And you're not yet the girl you will become (_she would never cry in public_) and you're so far from who you've been (_this wouldn't happen in her life_) and Lilly Kane is six feet under and you're all alone in someone else's life. And so you cry, huge big gulping sobs, like some sort of overgrown baby.

_This isn't real. This is an alternate reality, universe, whatever. This is a dream. This isn't my life._

But this isn't an alternate universe, this isn't a dream: this is your life.

_(Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes: this is your life.) _

You close your eyes.

- - -

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	8. chapter eight: roofied and raped

Title: The Evolution of Veronica Mars

Summary: This isn't an alternate universe. This isn't a dream. This is your life. And this is all you've got now.

Rating: T

A/N: Inspired by Switchfoot's _This Is Your Life_, which I do not own anymore than I own _Veronica Mars_. Ergo, I don't own either.

- - -

You go to show them you don't care (_you care so very much_).

Roofied and raped.

Raped.

You've been raped.

You've been raped. And they probably laughed about it afterwards.

Sheriff Lamb sure did.

You cry.

You can't eat. You throw up time after time. Things can't get much worse.

Sometimes you just want to die.

_This isn't real. This is an alternate reality, universe, whatever. This is a dream. This isn't my life._

But this isn't an alternate universe, this isn't a dream: this is your life.

_(Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes: this is your life.) _

You close your eyes.

- - -

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	9. chapter nine: don't close your eyes

Title: The Evolution of Veronica Mars

Summary: This isn't an alternate universe. This isn't a dream. This is your life. And this is all you've got now.

Rating: T

A/N: Inspired by Switchfoot's _This Is Your Life_, which I do not own anymore than I own _Veronica Mars_. Ergo, I don't own either.

- - -

You cry.

You decide it's the last time you'll ever cry in public.

You're not going to be this girl anymore. You can't be a walking corpse. You can't waste your life any longer.

You aren't Veronica anymore.

You dig out the only scissors you can find (an old dull pair of Lilly's with a Barbie logo emblazoned on them) and you hack off your hair.

You burn your homecoming dress and pep squad uniform. You throw out all of your magazines.

You will never wear pink glitter again.

You're not pink anymore. You're not that girl anymore. You aren't Veronica anymore.

You thought you'd died the day that Lilly did. And in a way, you did. Veronica died the day that Lilly did.

You're Veronica Mars now.

And nothing can kill Veronica Mars.

And Veronica Mars is going to be all she can be. You owe that to Lilly. You're going to live because Lilly can't.

_This isn't real. This is an alternate reality, universe, whatever. This is a dream. This isn't my life._

But this isn't an alternate universe, this isn't a dream: this is your life.

_(Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes: this is your life.) _

You don't close your eyes.

- - -

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	10. chapter ten: today is all you have

Title: The Evolution of Veronica Mars

Summary: This isn't an alternate universe. This isn't a dream. This is your life. And this is all you've got now.

Rating: T

A/N: Inspired by Switchfoot's _This Is Your Life_, which I do not own anymore than I own _Veronica Mars_. Ergo, I don't own either.

- - -

_(This is your life, are you who you want to be?)_

It's several years later now. And some bad shit's happened, but nothing near the cataclysmic events of a few years ago (when your world came crashing down around you). But you've rebuilt.

And nothing's perfect (maybe that's for the better, maybe that's just asking for disaster) but it's okay.

You have Wallace and Logan and Mac and Weevil and your dad and you guess Piz and Parker (and Duncan's gone and sometimes you miss him but you think that maybe it's for the best).

And Lilly's with you too. You can hear her laughing (_'throw your morals down, take away the pain and let the past be gone.'_) and you know that she's protecting you.

_  
_(_This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be, when the world was younger and you had everything to lose?_)

It's not. But it's better that way. And you like your life, and you like who you've become.

You live in the now and leave yesterday where it belongs—with Lilly.

This isn't an alternate universe, this isn't a dream: this is your life.

_This is your life and today is all you've got now._

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead.

_And today is all you'll ever have._

Yesterday is dead and over.

Don't close your eyes.

_You don't ever close your eyes._

fin.

_  
_- - -

Reviews?

a.n.: I think this is the best story I've ever written, I'm really proud of it, and it's been my baby these past 2 hours I've been writing it (it just came out of me all at once) so I'd really appreciate feedback.


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